All in a day’s work… (part 2)
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
I love being on the Chapel Band; praising God through music is an integral part of my walk and it is such an honor to be a part of leading the Bethel family in worship. However, getting to this place has been a journey with many lessons on letting God be strong through my weaknesses and allowing his grace to be sufficient when I am simply not enough.
Spring semester of freshman year I tried out for the BCCB as a pianist. When I got the email from Shawn asking me to officially join the band, I was so excited and nervous; I knew I had big shoes to fill. Classes started, and with them chapel and practices with the band. I began to feel overwhelmed by the amount of music I had to learn. I loved my fellow band members and Shawn was great to work with, but I didn’t feel like I was good enough for the band. I wanted so badly to get everything right and play each note perfectly. It became difficult for me to worship during chapel because I was so stressed over missed entrances and wrong notes. Crying on my way home from practices became the norm. Satan had convinced me that I was impeding God’s work in chapel with my failure to be perfect. I was certain that Shawn had made a mistake when he chose me.
Spiritual Emphasis week came around and my stress level maxed out. With chapels every morning and evening, I was spending as much time in the practice rooms as possible, while still trying to balance homework, choir, and friendships. It was about halfway through the week, after one of the evening services, when I saw her. She was standing across the auditorium and she looked at me and smiled. I felt that unwelcome Holy Spirit nudge- that lady has a message for you from Me. Nope. No thank you! Reeeally not feeling that tonight, God and stranger lady, but thanks anyway! I quickly made a bee-line for the opposite side of the room but was stopped by a friend. We began talking and in my peripheral vision I saw the lady making her way toward me. I tried to make my escape, but I wasn’t fast enough and suddenly she was right by my side.
I smiled at her politely and started to leave when she said: “Hey, can I talk to you?” Pasting the smile back on my face I turned to her and said “Sure!” with much more willingness in my tone than I felt. She proceeded to tell me how blessed she had been by my piano playing that night. I began to tear up as she told me that she felt that I had a gift from God: the gift of ushering in His spirit with my playing. I thanked her and began to weepily spill to her all my insecurities about playing with the band. She encouraged my heart and assured me that I was right where God wanted me. That night I took my first step toward believing that God’s power was being made perfect in my weakness, even in the weakness of a wrong note or a messed up key change.
It wasn’t all smooth seas and fair skies from then on out; I still had my rough days and moments of insecurity, but God continued to pursue me with His people and His word. Eventually I was able to truly worship the Lord in spite of those insecurities and in spite of the crowded auditorium. I’ve since made the switch from piano to back-up vocals, and I still find that some days it’s hard to trust that He can use me in spite of myself- but He can, because His grace is sufficient, even when I am not.